I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
