we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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