I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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