I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
