what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
