First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
