Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
