The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize