Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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