Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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