So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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