I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
