dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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