Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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