i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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