I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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