what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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