we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
