hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
