And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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