I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
