yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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