took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
