Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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