my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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