if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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