I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
