a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
