the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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