Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think your dad took our porno
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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