Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
