who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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