The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
