I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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