god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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