what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
