How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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