i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will be naked everywhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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