i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
