Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
