I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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