fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
