found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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