Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
whose parrot is this?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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