last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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