If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
