Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
