is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
