i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
