I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The ass gains better be worth it
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