I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
