Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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