If i could tip my vagina, i would.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The Olympian is in my bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
