He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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