You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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