The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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