when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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