I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
