I cannot find my penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
