My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
