take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
