I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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