I hate all girls vehemently.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible