Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.