so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.