I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
