are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
