some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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