Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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