If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
