I want to stick my p in your. b.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
