Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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