I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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