i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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