He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
