Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
