What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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