dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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