weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
