what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
