Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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