Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
should my penis look like a turkey
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
