I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When are your genitals available?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
