Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
